I divorced my husband because he couldn't satisfy me

It was my wedding night; the first time I would be intimate with a man. My head was a blur of images, of dreams and desires from the many conversations with my close friends and the pornographic videos I had watched.

I entered the room, holding a customary glass of milk, keeping my face down. It was all very traditional, just as I had imagined.

But little did I know that a rude shock was awaiting me. Or rather, a huge disappointment.

In my fantasy, I entered our room and my husband embraced me tightly, smothered me with kisses and passionately made love all night. In reality, he had fallen asleep before I came in.

I was 35 and I was a virgin. This felt like a painful rejection.

#HerChoice is a series of true life-stories of 12 Indian women. These accounts challenge and broaden the idea of the "modern Indian woman" - her life choices, aspirations, priorities and desires.

During my college days and at my workplace, I saw many girls and boys striking deep friendships. They'd rest their head on their partner's shoulder, walk past holding hands and I'd feel jealous of them.

Shouldn't I desire such a companion in my life too?

I had a big family of four brothers, one sister and older parents, yet I felt alone all the time.

All my siblings were married and had their own families. Sometimes I wondered if they even cared that I was getting old and remained single.

My heart ached for love and desire, but was surrounded by loneliness.

At times it felt that all of this was just because I am fat.

Do men hate fat women? Is my weight the reason for my family not being able to find me a match for marriage? Would I remain single forever? Would I ever lose my virginity? The questions jostled in my mind all the time.

Finally, when I turned 35, a man in his early 40s came forward to marry me.

During our engagement, I shared all my feelings with him but he didn't pay attention nor respond. He seemed to be nervous and would sit quietly, eyes facing the ground and merely shake his head.

I thought it was because men are more shy than women these days and that my fiance was no exception.

But my wedding night confused me and I didn't know why he behaved that way.

When I asked next morning, he said he wasn't well.

Nothing changed. Our second, third and numerous more nights were just the same.

I told my mother-in-law and she defended him: "He is a shy person who has always hesitated talking to girls, he studied in a boy's school and has no sister or even friends of the opposite gender," she said.

Though this explanation gave me a sense of temporary relief, I couldn't stop thinking about it.

All my expectations, dreams and desires were getting broken day by day.

It wasn't only sex I was uneasy about; he hardly spoke to me, he never touched me, nor held my hand.

If a woman even slightly adjusts her dress men ogle at her but when I'd undress at night my husband would avoid even glancing at me.

Was my weight the reason? Was he pressured into marrying me?

I didn't know who to talk to and my family were under the illusion that I was happy with my new life. I needed to find a solution.

I went into his room and locked the door and he almost jumped from his bed.

"Don't you like me?" I asked him. "We haven't been intimate once and you have never expressed your feelings in words either, what is your problem?"

"I don't have any problem," he said.

I became bold and went closer to touch his penis.

I had imagined that my stimulation would increase the size but I was hugely disappointed when I found it to be too small.

I was very confused whether this was the real size of a penis? Was what I had seen in pornographic videos enhanced with graphics?

I didn't know who to ask and I felt very shy.

Just like a woman's beauty is judged by men, why couldn't I judge my husband's physical attributes? Why was it wrong for me to have some expectations of him?

I began to understand that he was impotent and that doctors had told him this before we got married but he and his parents had kept me in the dark.

Now that I knew the truth, he felt ashamed, but he didn't apologise.

Society always amplifies every small mistake that a woman makes but if the man is at fault, even then the woman is the one who is blamed.

"Sex alone is not important for life, why don't you opt for adoption?" my relatives asked me.

My husband's family begged, "If people find out, it will shame all of us."

My family reminded me: "This is your fate."

But it was my husband whose words hurt the most.

"You can do whatever you like, sleep with whomsoever you wish, I won't bother you or reveal this to anybody," he said.

"If you have a child by someone else, I'm ready to give him my name".

No woman should ever hear such horrible, heartless ideas from her husband. He was a cheater and he was asking me to do this to save his and his family's honour.

He fell to my feet and cried, "Please don't tell anyone and don't divorce me either."

I couldn't imagine doing what he had suggested, which only left me with the option of either leaving him or giving up my sexual desires, and settling for companionship.

Finally, my feelings won. I left my so-called husband's house.

My parents didn't accept me but with the help of my friends, I joined a ladies' hostel and found a job.

I started getting my life back on track, and filed for divorce.

My husband's family was shameless and they accused me of adultery to hide the real reason behind our marriage breaking down.

I fought back and arranged for medical examination. It took three years but finally I was able to get a divorce from him.

It felt like being born again.

Now, I'm in my early 40s and I'm still a virgin.

In the past few years, I've been approached by many men. They assume that I left my husband only because I was not satisfied sexually and so sex is all they want from me.

This is such a wrong and narrow view of me and I stay away from these men.

I have desires, dreams and feelings but I want to express them only to the man who loves me, cares for me, understands my feelings and will be with me for life.

I'm still waiting for that man.

Until then I satisfy myself by having private conversations with my friends about their sexual life.

Whenever I think about sex, websites are my best friends.

There is no dearth of people who judge me for what I have done. I hope they'd understand that women are not lifeless objects; even they have many feelings.

This is a true life-story of a woman who lives in southern India as told to BBC reporter Aishwarya Ravishankar. The woman's identity has been kept anonymous on request.

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The Do's and Don'ts of Rationale of Research

The students would need to pick which situation they'd rather work directly into finish each task based on their prior experiences. They need to incorporate some types of information to some degree. To begin with, however, Students expect a definition of critical thinking that can be employed for their age and grade level.

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You wouldn't try and put the full orange into your mouth. It is tough to perceive a crystal-clear umami taste in tomatoes, but it's probably the very most significant taste components. A pleasant after taste is a significant determinant of this general pleasantness of a meal.

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Rationale in Dissertation: the Ultimate Convenience!

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The obligation of each one of us is to be certain there are not any individuals that are experiencing an excessive amount of poverty if we really knew the importance of moral and ethical standards. There's much significance of skill acquisition. It isn't simple to exude a great deal of beliefs that you already have about people living in povertymainly since these beliefs are always reinforced by the press. The reality is that poverty is not just an environmental problem, but also a spiritual matter.

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The New Angle On Essay on My Personality Just Released

Writing a clarify your personality informative article is recommended, because you are going to have a opportunity to locate your positive and negative qualities and better your life standing. If you let us compose your essay, you'll have time to look closely at your studies and other work. As a result, should you need an essay on the rush nonetheless you wish to stay high quality, our article writing service is going to accomplish this for you. Reflective essays are extremely usually specialized in a individual that helped author to overcome some difficulties. It's a good way to describe your character and personality. In the event that you would like to produce an superb application essay according to the challenges that you encountered in high school, continue reading. Even though her writings are somewhat concerned with neurotic personality it might also be applied to routine personality.

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The New Angle On Example of Rationale Just Released

A commerce cycle performs a role in fluctuating the expenses of products and commodities in an economy. So, it's helpful to examine the practice of motivation as describe below. This whole dynamic procedure is also called fiscal policy transmission mechanism. The educational system in the usa is among the very best in the whole world. Furthermore, it has been a critical supply of new technology, skills, management and company knowhow, and a international orientation.

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Perhaps the ideal method to help students comprehend why we've shifted to your learner-centered clinic would be to just saythis is where the studies have led us. This analysis stresses that the ICT can be just a potent tool in improving the degree of a state's financial wellness, thus ought to be thought of among the crucial qualities of the marketplace. It will help the school to use the maximum utilization of class rooms thus help to avoid the possibility of room lack. Furthermore, a pilot study is going to be utilised to offer reliability and validity into this analysis. This manner of research can be employed in diagnosis of organic sciences and social sciences issues. The whole research comprises five phases. Most researches fail since they contain information which is irrelevant or because they don't really answer what exactly that they lay out to.

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In case the money of the purchaser is stronger compared to the US dollar, then it is going to be good for the business. To the contrary, the lower rates make it more easy for individuals to borrow money so as to purchase cars and houses. The more the rates of interest companies find it tough to devote to jobs that require investment. For instance an rise in the cost will diminish the full revenue generated as there could be a dip from the requirement. It's going to help make a better effect on the general demonstration. The high capacity for job creation within this area provides a chance to tackle the present situation where significant quantities of youthful folks are excluded from the job market due to lack of training and abilities. For instance, the capability of students to rate the quality of their own work is important with their own career and life success, but a few students have ever been requested to get this done

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